Elder Advice - Thinking Inside the Box – Week 18
I found my mind wandering a lot this week. Maybe it's the July heat. Or the general uncertainty … about everything. Or it may have been my unexpected discovery of the personal ad Lisa placed: “Looking for attractive 30ish male. Must be able to lift 180 lbs. And keep a secret.”
As many of you know, I never asked Lisa to take my last name when we married. Not that there was ever the slightest chance of that happening. I knew her look of perpetual disappointment would be more than sufficient to show others that she was married to me. And anyway, "Lisa Lowman " - like Lois Lane, Lana Lang, Pepper Potts, Sue Storm - she didn't want to be known as just one more fortunate woman married to a superhero.
18 weeks of lockdown and quasi-lockdown puts a strain on every relationship. So, there is no better time than now to give some elder advice for men in relationships, notwithstanding the suggestion of some that the above ad makes me uniquely unqualified to provide it.
Divorce lawyers I know are unanimous in saying that the "peak times" for divorce are traditionally after Christmas and summer holidays, when couples spend long periods together. The months of enforced COVID closeness takes “peak” to a whole new level.
Elder Advice? For men, three simple rules:
1) Schedule Time: time together, and equally important, schedule time to be apart from each other - more than 2 meters apart;
2) Sweat the Small Stuff. It’s always smallest kindling that starts the fire, and so it is with domestic conflagration. It’s the dishes, the laundry and the recycling; and
3) Calm and kindness. Neither requires explanation.
Remember: the object of the exercise is to ensure that when you tell the cringing, horrified barista at Starbucks that you like your coffee the way you like your women, it is not served bitter and unsweetened.